Everyone wants to have a divorce so bad it makes the headlines, right? Here’s a way to guarantee your divorce will drag out for over a year, empty your bank accounts and rake your heart over the coals.

1. Hire an attorney right away.
Find one with the reputation of a pit-bull; the meaner, the better. Someone who promises you they will take your soon-to-be-ex for all he or she is worth. Because isn’t that what divorce is all about?

2. Keep running your mouth.
The more hurtful things you can say about your spouse, the longer the two of you can trade verbal barbs and wallow in the pain and hurt caused by the end of your relationship. Don’t think about any of the good times, or the wonderful children you produced together. That might soften you and make you want to do “what’s best for the family,” or something weak like that.

3. Refuse to negotiate.
Never, ever participate in mediation. Okay, you have to show up, but just sit there and glare at your spouse. (Or better yet, see number 2.) A mediator wants the two of you to communicate constructively in order to come up with solutions that both of you can live with. But that would make everything end too soon. Besides, your attorney promised his children they could stay in private school next year. So have a heart, won’t you?

4. And finally, whatever you do, don’t call Divorce Docs! Divorce Docs specializes in peaceful uncontested divorces. Our clients are civil towards one another, and are committed to working together to make the important decisions that will affect their families for years to come. The last thing you need right now is an inexpensive, graceful conclusion to your marriage!

Don’t call Divorce Docs today!